Blue Hawaii

[Ethel Sherman]

I have been away from the forum for some time, but I hope you will allow me to present my thoughts on a recently posted story on the website.

Caroline Smith has now written sixteen stories since her first one appeared in 2003. She has consistently produced entertaining, well-written pieces, ranging from the chilling Halloween Challenge entry of ‘The Sculptor’ (2004) to the delightful character vignettes for ‘The Challenge of Five’ (2007) and other character-driven stories. Her most ambitious work remains the Cross-over story she wrote in 2006, for the Multiverse Challenge: Extrapolations.
Her latest story is ‘Blue Hawaii’ and it is this one I would like to focus on.

There are many ways to draw a reader into a story: adventure, excitement, romance, and intrigue being the most obvious, but the prevalence of fiction expanding the meagre details of the official biographies of the main characters, proves the enduring popularity of the 'saga’. Caroline has written just such a saga in her latest story, ‘Blue Hawaii’. The story is her version of the past history of Captain Blue – Adam Svenson – focusing on the canonical fact that he is an expert surfer.

Writing about any sport without losing your audience is a difficult task. You need to show that you understand what’s happening and explain the complex technicalities of the competition, without dumping too much irrelevant information into the narrative. Caroline does this very well by emphasising the sense of satisfaction Svenson gets from participating in something his family’s wealth can’t influence, whilst describing the power of the ocean and the majesty of the islands of Hawaii.

Her descriptive passages evoke the islands so well that anyone who has not been there can imagine them without difficulty, and her insights into the worlds of the native Hawaiians and the community of surfers are written with such a deft touch that it creates total confidence in their reliability. But more than that, she evokes the excitement and skill of riding these extraordinary waves in such a way that even a non-surfer, like myself, can be carried along and almost feel at one with the surfer.

Adam clung to the board, regarding the rolling hills and valleys of blue-green water advancing towards him. Several huge swells passed, lifting and dropping him as they glided past - silent and threatening - on their way to Waikiki beach. He felt their immense power underneath him, filled with the deadly energy of that monstrous storm that pulsed many miles south of Honolulu - the sort of power that fuelled tsunamis. He waited, breathless, a myriad thoughts clamouring in his head, his heart hammering in his chest, waiting for - something.
And then – he turned to see a towering turquoise ridge bearing towards him, and instinctively he knew this was it. The wave. The one he had been waiting for – higher and wider than any he’d seen in many years. A fiend of a wave, much like the one Duke must have ridden on his own day of reckoning. This wave called to Adam with siren-song, and all at once every doubt vanished, to be replaced by a heart-full of certainty.
He sprang onto his board as the monster caught him - slashed and pitched – and at that second of instinctive surety, Adam bent his right foot forward, knees bent, arms outstretched to balance.
The wave sloped and a trough yawned wide and deep as an elevator shaft, but Adam kept his nerve and rode the ridge like a skier down a mountain, sliding left as the avalanche of water bore towards the shore. For a second, he imagined losing his footing and tumbling into that curving bulk – like being buried under tons of crumbling masonry.
…
On he flew, as if with wings, and the long, wide wall seemed to move forward with the speed of an express train. He slid left, right, left, right, fighting for balance, his feet planted firmly on his board, fighting the momentum as he rode that wave for what seemed like an eternity.
Left, left, he kept going, the board screaming as it cut through the water, sucking on that ever-deepening ridge. His heart thrummed in his chest, his muscles keening at fever pitch. White water pounding, the bulk of Diamond Head filling his vision, a sloping black giant – and time seemed to slow to zero, crystallising thought into a perfect moment that he would play back in his mind forever.
He angled still further to avoid plunging into the curling, sudsy depths to his right, one wrong foot now and he was lost. The water still sucked and pulled – as if this titanic wave was determined to destroy the mortal who dared to brave its sublime majesty. Adam teetered on his board for several heart-stopping seconds before wresting control from the monster wave again, skewing left and surging forward on one last triumphant slide shore-bound.
Now he could see the beach at last, glimpsed the bodies all the way along, lined up, squinting against the horizon, but it took all his concentration to ride out those last few crazy yards before he tumbled at last into waist-deep water at the shore’s-edge. He crawled out of the foaming water, shaking with adrenaline, and only barely registered the flood of bodies that surged forward

This is as assured a piece of descriptive writing as I have read for some time.

The Kamele family are affectionately drawn, giving us enough information to understand the relationships between them and the outsider they welcome into their home, but without overloading us with superfluous detail. The contrast presented between them and the rather more dysfunctional Svensons is subtle and poignant. Using the canon information that it was ‘much to the disappointment of his father’ that Adam Svenson joined the World Aeronautical Society, Fandom has often used Captain Blue’s past as a contrast to the seemingly uneventful and happy upbringing of his friend, Captain Scarlet, and Caroline also hints that Adam would have much preferred the rich emotional family life he sees in Hawaii, to his own wealthy upbringing.

But Svenson’s passions aren’t only invoked by the ocean waves. It is here, in the family of a childhood friend, that he finds a woman with an intensity of emotion that matches his own, and through her a way to combat the grief that has clouded his heart and mind since the death of his fiancée.
The relationship between Adam Svenson and Leilani Kamele is drawn with great perception; the confusion Svenson experiences at meeting again a beautiful younger woman whose company he had merely tolerated when they were teenagers is amusing, but very easy to identify with.

A sense of place and an intensity of emotion are the hallmark of Caroline’s writing; time and again she wraps the reader in the deepest emotions of her characters, conveying with skill the complex and subtle conflicts of human relationships. This talent extends to the more adult passages of the narrative, which are handled with tact and avoid any degree of prurience, even as they explore the physical relationship between the protagonists.
In order to have a satisfactory impact, any romance, but especially an erotic story, cannot be just one long love scene. It needs to have interesting characters and a plot line; given these the sensual element of the story can cover all and any aspects of a relationship. In my opinion, Caroline achieves this in ‘Blue Hawaii’, and I congratulate her on another excellent story.

Finally, I would like to mention the illustrations in the narrative. Caroline is quite obviously an artist and a very skilled photo-manipulator. The pictures used are, naturally, excellently done and I was particularly impressed with the ‘action’ picture of Svenson surfing The Wave. Overall they added to the narrative, although I do feel it was strong enough to have worked without them. Still, I know there are many readers who could never have too many pictures of the Captains in beachwear, so they are in for a treat too!

[Carrie]

Hello Ethel, welcome back!

I hope you'll forgive my guilty moment of pleasure to know that Blue Hawaii precipitated your return to the Spectrum HQ forum!

Joking aside, I truly appreciate that you have taken the time to give this story some valuable (for me) feedback.
I fell in love with the Islands of Hawaii back in 1993, and I thoroughly enjoyed wallowing in memories of the glorious scenery and atmosphere as I was writing this story, but you're never sure if you're spending way too much time waxing lyrical and boring the reader with unnecessary detail about a place or surroundings, and it's very good to know how it ends up coming across to the reader.

The same goes for descriptions and narrative concerning the characters. I'm certainly relieved that you haven't labeled Leilani Kamele as a hideous Mary Sue. (Always a danger with beautiful young women trying to get their claws into handsome canon characters. ) I confess I attempted to write her with some gentle flaws in order to render her a little more digestible, but I'm still not convinced I succeeded.

Every story has its own learning curve, and I believe that with this one, I built on my writing craft. I certainly feel that the re-write is a big improvement on the original in terms of the dialogue and narrative, although the plot was only changed slightly.


Once again, thanks for taking the time to read and review.

[hazel]

I didn't think Leilani was a Mary Sue, and speaking for myself, I liked her very much. She lacked the obnoxious usurpation of the canon characters' central role. The formula of Original Female Character+involvment with canon character=Mary Sue doesn't always hold true! Admittedly, it's a fine line, but you didn't cross it.

[Marion]

I liked her too and she didn't seem Mary-Sue-ish, except that I hated her very much, of course. Envy is such a corrosive emotion.

[Skybase Girl]

Couldn't agree more with Ethel.

Fabulous story, Caroline. You paint Hawaii so well I can't wait to go there, even if I will not be treading the boards.

Leilani is certainly not a Mary Sue! She is a strong, determined young woman, who, ironically, would be exactly the type of person Spectrum would want on board. Pity she's so devoted to her heritage

But then, if she were to join up - just think how messed up Blue's future would be!

[Carrie]

LOL Skybase Girl, perhaps I ought to join the Hawaiian Islands tourist board...if only they pay me to go out there, I;d be back in a flash!

As to your last comment...oh dear, plot bunnies hopping all over the place...although hopping is probably all they will do....down a black hole of never-never writing land..no doubt!