AT THE BOARD OF
ENQUIRY…
Some possible
consequences arising from incidents in
‘Captain
Scarlet and the Mysterons’
By Keryn
- Colonel White on finding his pen
won’t write, tries again and presses down too heavily on the page of his
work folder resting on the control console – setting off several alarms
and opening the direct emergency comms channel to the World President in
the process.
- Captain Scarlet crashes an SPV once
too often, and is not only sent to the driver training facility for a
refresher course – he is issued with a restricted licence, and for the
next six months is not permitted to drive ANYWHERE without Captain Blue
accompanying him.
- Lieutenant Green forgets to
disengage his chair from the moving walkway, again, when it is used to transport Spectrum personnel to
Colonel White’s console.
Lieutenant Green’s umpteenth submission to Spectrum for funds to
install a second moving walkway is again rejected on the grounds it is
‘not cost effective’.
- Captain Magenta is questioned for
replacing his official Spectrum-issue sunglasses with a more expensive
pair ‘considerably more cool’.
- Insurance premiums rise tenfold for
Spectrum vehicles after it is inadvertently revealed that the Mysterons
can not only take over craft but operate them ‘without visible personnel’
contravening safety regulations.
Insurance brokers suggest a feasibility study should be done on the
possibility of retrieving the mysteronised craft and returning them to
service to defray premium rises.
- Spectrum considers renaming the rebuilt
Maximum Security Building in order to attract less attention to the
building’s purpose, but discussions relating to the wording of the signage
have been stalled. The radical
proposal to not label the building
at all is seen as ‘innovative…but flying in the face of accepted
practice’.
- Captain Black grows tired of severe
headaches caused by receiving and relaying instructions from the Mysterons
and attempts to stock up on aspirin.
The pharmacist notices he has gathered up dozens of boxes of painkillers
and notifies the authorities, concerned his customer may be ‘at risk’ of
an overdose. The Mysterons cause
Captain Black to vanish from the chemist shop.
- Captain Black’s headache is now a
migraine and he’s also dizzy from being teleported. He decides to get more aspirin and … oh, forget it.
- The Committee for Infrastructure
Repairs and Maintenance on Cloudbase decides Captain Ochre should be
billed for the damage he caused when he hurtled the explosive Mysteron
pulsator through the Officers Lounge porthole.
- Following the ‘Manhunt’ incident,
recommendations are made that the Angels undertake SPV driving lessons –
beginning with Symphony Angel.
Captain Blue is NOT to be assigned as her instructor.
- Occupational Health and Safety
experts and the Spectrum Fire Safety Committee designate Captain Ochre’s
quarters as a hazardous waste zone due to his habit of making model
aircraft using noxious and possibly flammable hobby glues and paint.
- Captain Scarlet tries unsuccessfully
to have his Uniform Maintenance Allowance increased; having used up his
allotted annual free replacement of uniform tunics. The claim is rejected and he is
notified ‘in future he must replace damaged uniform tunics at his own
expense’. Captain Scarlet calculates he is going to be financially poor
for some time.
- The Mysterons resolve to expend more
time and effort into the wording of their warning messages as recent
evidence has suggested ‘they are not cryptic enough’.
- Doctor Fawn is asked to justify how
he could permit any patient, and particularly
a patient recovering from a near-death - or actual death - experience, to suffer the additional
distress of finding they’ve been outfitted in a pair of hideous orange and
brown floral pyjamas.
- The World Heritage Trust (WHT) sends
Spectrum a ‘please explain’ letter and bill for restoration over the
damage they caused to historic Glen Garry castle. Spectrum suggests a public subscription
to raise funds for its restoration.
WHT rejects the proposal.
Discussions are continuing.
- Following Captain Scarlet’s poorly
written report of an investigation in Sydney, Australia during the
‘Manhunt’ incident, it is recommended he undertake a Service Writing
Course.
- Captain Blue, with the aid of haute
couture expert Destiny Angel, tries unsuccessfully to convince Spectrum
not to colour-code his suits. NO
ONE is wearing cream outfits with light blue flaps this season.
- Captain Grey submits a Redress of
Grievance (formal written complaint) to Colonel White, citing his career
prospects have been hampered by Scarlet and Blue getting all the good
assignments … while he only got the boring ones.
- Spectrum is heartened by the
Mysteron’s desire to stick to the rules in their War of Nerves, starting
with their elaborate attempts to get SPVs … when in reality Captain Black
probably knows where they are all hidden and could just help himself.
- The five Angels also submit a
complaint to the Colonel stating they would like to ‘occasionally be
assigned tasks that are different and more challenging, as it can get a
bit repetitive just flying around blowing up stuff’.
- The Mysterons realise their mistake
in retaining fashion model Helga after she complains about her limited
wardrobe, nags Captain Black to ‘do something about his pallor’ and offers
to ‘redecorate the Complex’.
- Captain Scarlet’s ability to
retrometabolise worries Spectrum’s superannuation scheme fund managers.
Once Captain Scarlet reaches compulsory retirement age, they face the
possibility of having to pay him a pension ‘forever’.
- Captain Blue and Captain Ochre are
ordered to write a letter of apology to the World Navy to say how very
very sorry they are for blowing up the Atlantica defence system tower.
- The World Heritage Trust publicly
congratulates Spectrum for ridding the country of the steel and concrete
architectural eyesore popularly known as the London Car Vu.
- Colonel White is called before a
Spectrum Board of Enquiry for sentencing Captain Scarlet to death ‘without
following due process’.
T H E E N D ?
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