Bruises

[adam]

Yes i really love serina lewis's story, very good, great telling of things too!!!

x

[MMK]

Yes i really love serina lewis's story, very good, great telling of things too!!!

x

Yeah. If I was in Elaine's shoes, I'd definitely want a brother like hers... and, although she can be annoying, a sister like Elaine's too. Definitely wouldn't want 'him' around though
Another great story about Elaine's past. Nice one, Serena.

[Marion]

Serena's story was an excellent piece of original fiction - but I'm afraid, for me, it failed as FAN fiction, because it had nothing to do with either NCS or CS.
It did use the name of one character from NCS, and we are told nothing about that character in the show, except her name, and - okay - we can all fill in the gaps; but to write a story that is totally about a character from a fandom, that makes no mention of the fandom, cannot, IMHO, be called FAN Fiction.
Excellent writing - Yes - disturbing - Yes - and with a vague connection to Halloween, but NOTHING to do with New Captain Scarlet, or even any version of Captain Scarlet and The Mysterons. I'm afraid I don't even see how it is supposed to be a character study of the Captain Ochre we do see on the show. I'm not sure this child would ever become Captain Ochre; a childhood this traumatised and as unremittingly bleak as Serena has described on several occasions, hardly suggests she'd become the sort of person who could be employed as a senior member of Spectrum, with access to weaponry and trusted to support her colleagues in times of stress.
So, good story, Serena, but not Captain Scarlet Fan Fiction, in my opinion.

[Sage]

I'm inclined to agree with Marion.

I've got an entire spinoff series going on with some of my OCs too, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. If anything it's good you can branch out into original fiction. Just a diffrent facet of writing, which is more for a diffrent audience mindset.
It does still show a lot of talent, but ultimatly with fanfic you want to see the familiar characters, and storylines to an extent.

The unrelenting misery isn't really my thing either. I keep waiting to see how it all directly relates to her now, the ways in which she overcomes it. As those are generally a defining trope of the genre. I'm sure you will do, and a slow burn can have it's appeal/rewards. Maybe I'm just impatient.

And maybe it's just me, but at times I didn't really find the ages of the siblings rang true. Miles seems far older, with his insights and acquiring the gifts.

I really don't mean all that to be harsh, or that I didn't like the story. Just trying to give constructive feedback to help your potential grow.

[Sage]

Thank you all for the kind words, and wonderful artwork from the colonel as always.
There will probably be a sequel of sorts for a future holiday fic; rest assured Melody is already plotting a suitable revenge.

Suppose I should review the other fics too ...

Hazel; Very inventive and amusing, could totally picture the whole thing. And yes it would be very disconcerting, though I'm sure many of us wouldn't object too much.

I had great hopes for Sue's and it didn't dissapoint. Think my favourite part was Ochre getting his well deserved comeuppance. Then the twist, unexpected and well executed.

Cat; really great to see such a promising new writer, very well done twists all through the story. And I might even be warming to NCS Blue. An impressive feat all round.

Intensity; hmm yes that premise did seem oddly familiar
It was very inventive though, and interesting to get an insight into Harmony (bit disconcerting his name was Richard though, for a minute I thought you meant Ochre).

Keryn; more underused character and really creative premise, it just gets better. Having an awareness of the legend behind halloween I found it really interesting and the theory makes sense. Really added to the atmosphere.

Marion and Chris, I'm going to savour your fics in full later. Then I can really do them justice and give a complete review. They're showing great promise so far though.

[Serena Lewis]

I'm sorry, but I have to say I don't agree.
Okay, some points are valid. Miles does seem old (I wanted him to; he's had to grow up fast), it's not fan fiction (Okay, I know the link is tenuous), and there is a lot of misery.
But I completely disagree with this point...

a childhood this traumatised and as unremittingly bleak as Serena has described on several occasions, hardly suggests she'd become the sort of person who could be employed as a senior member of Spectrum, with access to weaponry and trusted to support her colleagues in times of stress.

This almost sounds as if you're saying people with abusive pasts can't make anything of themselves. A 'real life' friend of mine (who has given me permission to write her words in, and whom some aspects of 'my' Elaine are based on) was seriously abused as a child, and she found that comment, quite frankly, offensive. She says that just because someone has been taken advantage of as a child doesn't mean they can't turn everything around and become a well-balanced, well-rounded person. Her job requires her to work with people as a mentor, and she says that she is by no means regarded as a lunatic by her colleagues because of her past. They respect her for who she is now.
Okay, in Unfinished Business Ochre is going...a bit nuts, but this is mostly because of Mysteron influence. It is easier for them to manipulate her mind because she has horrors in her past that other characters, IMO, haven't. Please bear in mind that this is my interpretation of Ochre; we know nothing about her, and I wanted to show how people can turn their lives around because I thought it would be an interesting project, and allow me to place some of my opinions into the text in response to some comments I myself have recieved.
In the next chapter of Unfinished Business, things will start to get better. I am NOT going to keep her miserable for ever, I wouldn't do that. I'm not a cruel person, it's just me trying to show how much people can change, and how bad experiences can make you stonger.
The Ochre portrayed in the series is an almost unwavering strong person, who clearly keeps her softer feelings inside. I am trying to show that she can be emotional like 'normal' people, although, yes, I've made her a lot more so than most so far!
On the 'not fanfiction' note, you are quite right. I haven't put in enough NCS, but it would have been incredibly difficult as Spectrum most likely wouldn't have been formed. The idea for the story just struck and stayed there. I couldn't write something more 'NCS-ish'; I had to write this or something bad would happen.
If you want to see how she overcomes it, keep reading Unfinished Business. I am going to 'make her better'. Stories I write apart from that will show more of the shows Ochre, I won't make her so emotional.
I was completely thrown by those comments at first, and spent a long time unsure of what to do. Now that my brain has decided to function again, those are my opinions, and I hope I don't get flamed.

[Spectrum Strikeforce]

Serena, no-one flames on this forum. Anyone who does, regardless of their status, will be banned immediately, and the post will be deleted.

The posts from Marion and Sage, although not entirely to your taste, were constructive criticism. Several of the Spectrum Strikeforce discussed them, and found them to be acceptable.

I'm sorry that you feel hurt by the criticism, but unfortunately, that's something we all have to accept from time to time. As Marion said, your stories are well written - just ease up on the angst a bit.

[Serena Lewis]

Yeah, I know they were supposed to be constructive criticism, and for the main part I found them very fair, but I got the feeling some bits weren't, so I thought I should probably reply and 'explain myself'.
'Ease up on the angst'...oh dear. Sorry. If you don't want a story on the site, just say. I'll do something about it if I can, whether it be changing it or something else. Though I will add, 'if I feel something needs to be done about it'. I'll admit right now I don't always agree with people because I feel I should.
My friend is less angry now than she was earlier, which is good. I can't really speak for her on that, but I think she feels she's got what she called 'justice'.

[Marion]

Serena, whilst I can appreciate that your reasons for writing the fiction are entirely positive, you have to understand that I don’t know what your motivation for writing these stories is. All I have to go on is what you have posted already.
I do not mean to suggest that (quote) ‘people with abusive pasts can't make anything of themselves’ (unquote) - I know that isn’t the case and I have nothing but respect for people who can, and do, rise above their problems.
What I am saying is that I see no evidence of that being the case in the character of Elaine - as you have written her so far.
I have myself written a story that showed a canon character having a tough mental/emotional time of it, but I wrote it in the context of the known Fandom – with flashbacks and explanations that were given in the context of the TV show fandom.
Maybe it would have been better to have written one story about Elaine, incorporating all the aspects you wished to explore, and showing how she overcame them, rather than a series of short stories that merely seems to show a fragile character struggling to cope with the responsibilities of her adult life.

[chrisbishop]

Okay, so I should step in and get my two cents here, I believe.

Criticism, on this forum, is always meant as constructive, and is always welcomed. I know Marion and Sage well enough that it was EXACTLY what they had in mind, and did not mean to offend anyone. They have been honest with their comments, and I viewed them as okay, personally. As it is, I do prefer honesty over 'nice words' that don't mean anything. Adding to that, everyone being is entitled to his or her own opinion, and it's obviously not everyone who will share it. That said, no-one on this website should assume that we will allow someone to overtly flame another member and be mean to that member - as the Strikeforce reported, that comes with an automatic ban. Honest criticism - they should be taken as they are, and help writers become even better than they are (and we have some good writers on this website - including those who made the above comments, and the one who received them!)

Adding my comments to this... maybe the main problem in view of the story is that it's somehow part of a whole - and that we have yet to see the answers to all the questions that readers have been asking themselves.

Serena, if I had not wanted your story on the website, I would have said so from the start. So you certainly can continue to send your stories - they're always welcome. In fact, now that we're so deep into the plot, I'll BEG you to continue sending the parts, because I want to know where you are going and HOW THE HELL ELAINE WILL GET OUT OF THIS MESS!!!!

Sorry, I should follow on my own moderators team's advise to 'ease up' ahem