My friend from the now defunct site "The Mysterons Complex", Jay Quirk, had posted these captions for the end credits panels, some months ago, into one of her site’s forums. They were so funny that I thought of asking her if she wouldn’t accept to post them here as well… She graciously accepted and, after making some editing, sent them here for you to enjoy (C.B.)
By Jay Quirk
Scarlet: Argh! This isn't Apple Tango after all! *Splutters* Its...its...regular Apple Juice! Help me! Argh! My pampered body isn't used to such basic foodstuffs!
Captain Scarlet casts a curse on the Evil Tree Monkey which pushed him in.
Scarlet: Oh damn! I knew I shouldn't have trusted Patrick when he told me Mysterons come with built in Spider-Man abilities...
Scarlet: *To Cameraman* Hey, now look! Nobody said this was involved in the Hansel and Grettel audition! There was no giant snake in the wood! Where’s that gingerbread house!? This is down right wrong, I could sue you y - agg...aggghh...aghhh.... get it off, get if OFF!
*Blue and Scarlet are driving away from
a successful mission, happy to be returning to Cloudbase*
B: Well, I'm glad that all went to plan...
S: Me too, I'm looking forwards to getting back to Cloudbase...
B: Yes… So am I, but did you really need to throw me out of the SPV again...?
S: Well, yo-
B: Because it’s really starting to get annoying you know...
S: Yes, bu-
B: The sudden rush upwards gets you first, then it’s the long wait until you can actually go anywhere, and it hurts when you land! In fact, I bet you'd love to know how it feels....
S: Adam, no, I....ARGH!
B: Try hitchhiking! *Slams door shut and drives off*
Scarlet: *Being pulled back into rocks* Dianne, I don't care how much you want more, I’ve got to finish this mission.... What do you mean Adam would!?!
*Regardless of the point that Captain Scarlet had destroyed the entire area when he crashed the SPV (Repeatedly), he still struggled to stop the explosives from making the debris smaller…*
Rookies talk by Captain Scarlet*
Scarlet: *Photo slide comes to the screen, Scarlet taps it with a pointer* Ok people, here’s what to do if you ever find yourself facing man eating sharks... Grr!
Lieutenant in training: Uh, sorry, Captain?
Scarlet: Grr! Show them that you have teeth too, and then pray to God that everything goes ok from there…
Lieutenant: And if it doesn’t?
Scarlet: Keep clenching you're teeth and prepare for pain… lots and lots o' pain...
Lieutenant: *To another* This guy’s wacked!
Scarlet: Oh for Christ’s sake! This has got to be
copyright to somebody...how old is this one!? Come on guys, this is getting
Blue: Oh give over, Paul!
Grey: Yeah, we want our lunch!
sniggering from outside*
Ochre: Hannibal said Scarlet on a Spike was "Darn good eatin".
Magenta: And anyway, if you hurry up and come back, even you can sample the food!
Scarlet: I think, I’m going to be...sick...
Black: Ah… That may have something to do with me being here. It’s only your stupid sixth sense… Besides, I had to see this!
*Glancing at script* Juliet, come
down from thy ...window, and uh...come with...thou...thee...um, yes, to eat,
uh, a nice...Indian...thou. Pree thee, pree thee, come down...
Rhapsody: Right that’s IT! I don't care how much I want him to be Romeo, this just ISN'T working! Green! Release the props for the action play next week!
Scarlet: What the, Rhapsody no!...Argh!!! *From under crates* Oww...uh...hello? Pree thou help thee...? … *Pathetically* Colonel!
*Middle of an action scene, we see Captain Scarlet heroically
swinging from the Cannon of the Tank, risking everything to save the day once
more. Then, the string that is holding him up to prevent him from looking like
an idiot, as he would no way be able to do any of these stunts alone, snaps.
Scarlet: *Clinging on to the snapped string, swaying from side to side* ARGH! Hey, this isn't Tarzan you know! They turned me down as well! *The Tank continues to advance* ARGH! No! Wait! Stop the tank! STOP THE TAN-
Scarlet: Oh my God! Now I know why the cafeteria caught fire so easily! ...Also why the food’s so awful...